婆婆仙游了

近期和家人的关系超级拉近了，一来我多了3位侄女侄儿，成天談孩子經；二来婆婆不舒服，所以我们兄弟姐妹常常通话，顺道问问老人家的情况。事情发生得很突然，离开前的两个星期，入院出院，医生已交待看她老人家，是时候说再见了。一如往常，婆婆很怕入院，不懂是夜晚的关系还是照顾公公留下的阴影，总是要回家。媽媽說那是窩。我也差一點就啓程回鄉了。

話説，婆婆回家后，第二天就坐了起來吃粥，精神還可以。殊不知，兩個星期后，身體局部中風，很快就不能自如了。情況反反復復，星期四，我們視頻看了情況，這次一定得回家一趟。

三天後，我到了老家，弟弟妹妹也跟隨我一同探望婆婆。還聽得見，她不時看眼睛囘望一群圍著她來的兒孫。又閉上眼，皺起眉頭，有點痛苦，視乎搏鬥些什麽，看看我們是“小休片刻”。

這時候，有點像新年般，見到很多親戚，也回顧婆婆的生活點滴。婆婆生於28年，二戰時已是少女，被日軍追的時候，跳進水溝，雜草蓋著，日軍跳過追她爸爸，後續就是我們家族了。這個版本照顧婆婆的三姑也説了一遍。我們有説有笑，有點熱鬧，她就靜靜躺著，偶爾咳嗽需要拍拍背後。這是兒孫滿堂的感覺嗎？

三姑回顧，我曾和婆婆説過的一句話“ 如果沒有人要你，我要你”。三姑邊説邊眼淚打框。連我自己都記不起了。還記得n年前問起我有沒有對象，我説是位印度人，婆婆露尷尬的笑容，想起來很搞笑。結婚時，婆婆還給我手寫祝福的舊式紅包，心裏很感動。最後一次説話已是二零二二年農曆虎年新年，由於新管，不敢太過接近婆婆，給了封利是就回去吉隆坡。她那時已經明顯的更老了。

婆婆有天睡不着，交代堂弟要她死後把五毛錢放入口中，選了頭髮烏黑的照片以登報（訃告），登記放在櫃子裏記得去領保險的賠償，仿佛知道自己日子不多，語畢，泡半杯Milo喝去。還好堂弟有在，陪陪她老人家，半夜睡不着應該想很多。

婆婆是我最後的grandparent，經過二戰，痛失孩子，丈夫，活了將近一個世紀，天生愛美，看過花花世界，沒有手機還能活到很自在的人，如今隨英女王脚步也仙游去了。出殯照片中一片黑藍海夾雜黃衣的曾孫，子孫滿堂，生活圓滿了。

婆婆，您別擔心，好好和公公，姑姑&大伯敘敘舊。再見。

回想2015

呆坐在電腦前，不知該如何開始。很久沒寫部落格了，就如很久沒跑步一樣，提不起勁。

矯正坐姿，打起精神，寫作是得繼續的。它讓自己有個出口，也整理自己的思緒。

2015 年說過就這樣過了。別人都說開心的時光過得特別快，有多快樂真的記不起。

總結一下2015：

1/工作雖上往前了一步，挑戰真是不是開玩笑的，沒有準備應該乖乖就範，老闆做東就別做西了。千里馬不多，伯樂更少,還是不說的好。

2/好朋友紛紛結婚去了，很開心她們找到了歸屬，剛說籌辦，這下子已經完婚，情到濃時是連距離也要靠邊站的。反觀自己怎麽也沒有想結婚的念頭，被問起難免會不知所措，也不是那種“吃飽了嗎？”般重要卻無拘束的問題，隨便回答可能讓對方不開心。

3/他獲得了去香港工作的機會，不需多說，我義無反顧地支持，接下來只有獨自享受咖啡的份。我們竟然在一起一年又七個月了！

4/買了新保單，怕死了沒人供養父母，自己也順道增值了，哈哈哈！

5/搬家3.0，喜歡這裡綠山環水，回家會難得看見吉隆坡幾乎看不見的星星。和這位屋友在家見面時間少於十次，偶爾踫到都是匆忙出門，但碰面就聊個三小時。

6/這年往醫院的次數是前所未有的，查處自己腋下長了肉瘤。做biopsy就記得淺藍色的房間，一盞燈，醫生及護士的頭和半身，兩人說著聼不懂的術語，我淚流濕透了枕頭。哭個半死連囂張的醫生都安慰自己，其實一點都不痛。希望接下來手術刀對我慈悲一些。

2015 竟然沒把一本書讀完！2015 竟然沒有怕過一座山！卻修了兩次車！

2016 年會是怎樣的一年呢？倒數著過還是往前著過。。。

泡咖啡

首先，將熱水倒入杯中，記得要很熱很熱，這樣奶粉就可以完全熔化；然後加入奶粉，攪拌均勻。接下來，倒入少許冷開水，之後加入咖啡粉，攪拌直到顔色均勻。
只有這樣泡，咖啡才好喝。

埋怨今早爸爸泡的咖啡，他和我述説泡咖啡的步驟，很仔細的解釋每個步驟的用意。
他媽媽是這樣泡咖啡的。他還說媽媽每天早上會泡好咖啡，等他下樓喝。
他說很久沒有喝到那個味道了。那是兩個月前的事了。

我只能兩手握緊他的手，望著地上往前走。希望很快很快他可以再喝到那杯咖啡。

祝福所有人平安快樂。
.................................................

寂寞隨想

忙了整個禮拜還沒有結束，明天還得繼續。
正好逮到時間洗洗堆積的衣服，等待中，順道看部電影，過一過奢侈的癮。
很久沒有到後院，今天的風晾涼的，像是爬林賈尼火山前夕吹過的風。
一件一件，從桶到衣架，慢慢地曬，今晚的月亮上旋，只能曬明早的太陽。
坐在洗衣台歇歇，望著輕飄的衣服和小衣，翹腳，雙手緊握。
洗衣台不算大，容得下兩個成人的屁股，和兩杯熱騰騰的咖啡。
在那裏可以高談家常便事，也可暢遊彼此心事，以至忘卻時間。
今天只有回味的份，只因良朋益友遠在他方，沒有咖啡，寂寞番倍。
寂寞是因爲想念著不該想念的人。
飛機轟隆隆掠過寧靜的夜空，不一會兒，夜晚恢復原來的平靜，還有那嗒嗒響的冷氣機。
.....................................................................

I need to start writing

Eye lid closing. But I never want to give up. At least a few words.
I have something to write about when I drive back alone on an empty road.
Or when I am stuck in the middle of traffic jam.
Even at this hour which I wish to be at home in Melaka badly, so badly.

........."_"..........>.<............[','].............(',").........

漸漸老去時

坐在電腦半天，不知該怎麽開始。

是的，我想談馬六甲。

最近一次和馬六甲接觸是和弟弟通電話，讓他幫我買些土產，好好招待遠道而來的朋友。

我完全交托于弟弟，沒有吩咐去特定的哪閒，因爲我不懂。

那不懂，干嘛給別人介紹呢？爲此，心裏折騰了一下。

哦不，還有更近一次，朋友和自己說起了馬六甲一閒很棒的咖啡館。

當朋友很仔細地描述明確地點，我毫無頭緒，一再讓他解釋，好像個問路的旅人。

他很喜歡馬六甲，在那裏，他說變得很懶惰，還說了九樓的一些故事。

我真的太久沒有回家，和馬六甲失聯了。

馬六甲，請你放慢腳步，好讓我追上！

我會快跑。。。跑快。。。

Melaka,see you soon!

......................................................................................................

無法自拔地想念你 （碎片）

沒錯，是你，馬六甲。我想念你。向你傾訴前，請容許我對那情緒反復無常不爭氣的wifi破口大罵--^*+%$!@>?。希望你能明白不能一口氣流暢地向你道出心中的思念，感覺會糟過吃了一百塊的satay celup. 是的，我想念你了，無法自拔。口中吃著樂事，想的是satay celup. 就在胖胖成天穿紅色衣服老闆會不停來攪拌沙爹醬那閒。中學時期，大姐常常帶我們小瓜去吃的那閒。

神經質過。后。。

這次回家，每個人或多或少都不一樣了。除了媽媽，還是一樣，只是樣子更老了。
總是擔心著我們的肚子， 而且還會自作主張地為你打電話定滑蛋河；沒有提醒老闆不要放豬肉，結果又匆匆地打去取消了。年過半百，是否曾經停下腳步看看自己呢？

有一種關懷方式是慢慢被接受的。
我賴了整個傍晚，其實很不想驅車上吉隆坡；妹妹卻說不想回家什麽的。曾經，自己也是這樣，現在應該是老了。希望妹妹在媽媽變得很老前趕快變老。弟弟也是。

在後院曬衣，一陣轟隆轟隆的聲音劃破寧靜的深夜，它穿梭在雲朵之間。像聲音一樣，思念激起漣漪，在心裏看似平靜的一面湖。

oh crap!
...............................................................

漫漫三月

3/3/2012 - 匆匆和二妹相見，過後她有男友和王立宏，剩下我和悲傷，逛了半天的時代廣場。他到樓下的公園散步、仰或與碼頭垂釣的夜貓子攀談了？於是，我睡過了周末。

4/3/2012 - 雷電似的將所有簡訊化成文字躺在日記本，然後將手機所有簡訊刪除，一封不留，不讓悲傷陰魂不散。再見真正說起來會隱隱作痛。

5/3/2012 - 盛裝打扮上班，下意識認爲這樣可以掩蓋些什麽，老闆卻關心起工作以外的事，我回敬一個笑臉，好讓他安心。

6/3/2012 - 才聊了一個星期的天，我把一個月后的約會提前，和一位剛認識的朋友吃了晚餐。他是我的雙孢，這是我硬説的。他咧嘴露出一排白淨的牙齒問：錫克人怎會有個華人雙孢呢？於是，我們又訂了下兩次的晚餐約會。

7/3/2012 -  有位總是稱我為大嬸的同事，今天用了一貫英國北部吞著文字的腔調，卻叫了我的名字，順手還用兩手拍抓了我的兩臂兩下。爬神山攻頂的時候，他，也是這樣拍我的。

8/3/2012 - 讀著曾翎龍的散文集，忽然很想成爲詩人，把傷感牢牢地鎖在字與字之間的空隙，密不透風。期待翻開記憶的某天，心裏綻放出美麗的花朵。

9/3/2012 - 我再次閲讀小王子，直到我睡去。我希望他也擁有一本小王子。

10/3/2012 - 多車的城市、熱鬧的街頭，給寂寞升級了。在万頭鑽洞的舞廳，我只聽見很長很長嗡嗡的聲音。

11/3/2012 - 洗衣、刷衣、曬衣。收衣、折衣、燙衣。周末，我在衣堆檢到滿足感。
很期待藍藍的星期一，這是他喜歡的顔色。

會有這麽一個人

會有這麽一個人，可以靜靜的聼著你説話，爾是點頭。

會有這麽一個人，可以記住你說的每一句話、每一件事。

會有這麽一個人，到了你的家鄉就會撥電給你，跟你說家鄉的公路及天空。

會有這麽一個人，可以和你靠得很近，卻感覺舒服。

會有這麽一個人，可以讓你如此不捨分開。

會有這麽一個人，你會很早起身爲了和他吃早餐。

會有這麽一個人，讓你開始享受想念。

************************************

騎摩多

很久沒有一起騎著摩多兜風，

這次一叫就答應了。

。。。。。。。。。。

小時候，我們會一排人擠上一輛摩多，

那時，坐在最後的我，會拉著她的衣袖，

穩固自己，手臂可以保護坐在我和她之間的小瓜。

屁股偶爾外漏，不夠長的腿使勁踩在踏板上平衡身體，我們是這樣騎的。

現在，老爺摩多賣了，我們也擠不上一輛新摩多了。

。。。。。。。。。。

她總是坐得很靠近，很用力的抱著我的胖腰，說這樣騎才對。

雖然她個子很小，那感覺卻是很舒服的。

上了摩多，她雙手繞起放在我的大腿。

沒有貼近我的背彎，偶爾她會把臉往我背部塞，有點彆扭。

我們沒有太多話。

兜了兩圈，她下巴輕輕地托在我的右肩，

‘雯妮，還好你有回來，不然我真的不懂怎麽辦。。’

聲音微弱，不知是她無力，還是徐徐的涼風把話載走，

仰或摩多引擎聲太響？

我微微點頭，‘嗯‘了一下。

我們繼續沒有説話，兜風。

祝你健康快樂。

.....................................................................................

睡前故事

迷路的羔羊披上狼衣，
它以为这样可以保护自己，
怎知道它吃起肉来。。

献给三位双子
...........................................................

幸福夠夠力！

〈無夏之年〉的半島巡迴算是告個段落，趁著假期空檔，回家去了。
在一個月内，到訪馬來西亞半島幾個重要城市，奔走了超出1500公里，感覺上沒有更吃力的事了。所以，從吉隆坡回馬六甲真的是太容易的事了，不能再有藉口。

回家感覺真好，雖然把朋友忘了，她卻在電話的另一頭關心自己是否太累，真是難得。
昏黃的家鄉，有种離愁。最近很喜歡‘家鄉’這給字。

想了想，什麽原因，讓自己那麽累還要驅個200公里的車回家，而且第二天早上又得驅回來。
原本最初想給朋友個慶生驚喜，好像很遲了；後來，想到妹妹回家了，到底我們會多聊幾句呢;
再後來，想到接下來很少機會回家；也不過是一個月的事情嘛。
現在說起來，回家有點衝動。

和好朋友見了面，爲了補慶生，
但，她和男友一開場就問下一次回來的時間，然後就一唱一和的給我介紹個男生，唱雙簧般，呵呵！
朋友的男友非常落力在介紹，想必是要解開重重荊棘，不讓自己的女友有機會，卻又覺得這男生不錯。
他們的互動既像情侶，又像排檔，兩人胡鬧互打，譏笑彼此，卻不失對對方的關心及了解，感覺甜蜜。
看著他們，我的臉蛋往上揚了好久。
離別前他還提醒我下次快點回來，太搞笑了！

過後還接力和弟妹們唱歌到深夜，我還真年青啊！
吃東西，聊天，拍照，看電影，睡覺，家常便事，幸福滿滿。
他們慢慢長大了，各個有自己的事情，煩惱，
希望可以多多陪著他們，一起成長。

工作愉快！
********************************

Year Without A Summer 無夏之年 Berkelana

It sounded a little bit hard sale with the title and yes,(!) I want you to watch this movie. Year Without A Summer by Tan Chui Mui, a local independent director, currently mon patron :)

The film traveled to many places, overseas, first in Pusan, Rotterdam, Australia, US, all the continents, and now it's back to its homeland - Malaysia! I wish I was a film, or a tape, gets to travel everywhere!

It will be screened in TGV KLCC from 24th - 30th April 2011, followed by peninsular tour in major cities : Penang, JB and Kemaman Terengganu, the location nearest to the set of the film. I get to travel too this time! 

This image was the design of the film postcard. I like it very much, 

so does some postcrosser who vote it as their favourite postcard.

I first watch this film in the cinema was during my working trip to International Film Festival of Rotterdam. 

Working on the subtitles, I have actually viewed this film for many times, in the PC of course. However, the experience in the cinema was a total difference, with a better sound and image (persuading..). Azam is one of the main character in the film who keeps running away from the current and real life. It resembles a period in my working life, which I experienced few months back, while at the same time, looking at some points of my life, I do the same as Azam. I think many people tend to run away when problem comes right into the face. The realization of myself running and chasing my tail has helped me live better, at least I wake up and head to work in a happier and lighter mood.

Attention : this is an arty film, poetic, slow but meaningful (to me, as it mirrors my life). So, be prepared for a different cinematic experience.

Get the ticket and watch it! Oh ya, good news to students! It will be a free movie pass if you flash your valid student card at the counter in respective mentioned cinemas. Student reservation could be made by sending an email with the subject of ' YWS Student Screening ' to :  winniechiangwn@gmail.com. Details to be included in the email are : date of screening, name, contact no and email.

Enough of the publicity.
My swimming time.

Have a great weekend!
...........................................................

詩情畫意

太久沒有這樣靜靜坐著半天，無需説話，無需太多思考。
在月樹，可以呆上半天，聼著不同國籍的音樂，喝香濃咖啡，吃好吃的蛋糕。
最近的生活方式很是極端，要不是工作到夠夠力，就是運動到半夜三四點。
想說好好的抒發疲憊，卻是更疲憊，還在工作與玩樂閒拉扯。
念頭不停浮現還沒完成的工作，卻因為腦子裝滿了假日不該工作的概念，
許多郵件也不回復了。有時候，這樣做會是個災難。
花了一些時間細讀別人的文字，品嘗別人的生活，有種穿越時空的感覺。

曾經想帶他來月樹吃提拉米囌，卻太晚，打烊了。
現在剩下我、老闆，和兩位怪伯伯，在這鬧市的一塊寧靜中。
伯伯說我和咖啡很詩情畫意，想請我喝咖啡。
百般拒絕，老闆幫口，蛋糕咖啡自付。
還真是有點擔心老闆呢。

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Car In The Pocket

These are not my 1st scratches. Poor Vios. Poor Mom. I hope she scolds me. That would make me feel better. But the car will remain like this until it's sold out or I spend money to repaint it. I am losing confidence of my driving skill. I used to drive very well. Now, I hit the tree, I bang into divider, I can't park in the box. Is there any problem with my sight or my balancing? Maybe I should get a thorough body check up. Or maybe I should rest more and work less. I work for nothing? I am not so sure about it.  Yesterday, I was wanting to meet a person to pass him the book at Sin Chew Jit Po, I got stuck in the long long traffic jam. I am forced to/ I chose to park my car at the road side and walked there which took me less than 3 minutes. It felt like I was small and fast. I was very happy and laughed in my heart those people got stuck in the car. I finished my business and I headed back to the car, which was another 2 minutes. Back and forth 4 minutes. I saw the same car, still, at its original position. Poor thing. Poor me. Poor my Vios. I can't move it. My ego told me I should walk back home. So I left my car by the roadside and headed home in the notorious section 17 because I couldn't get anyone to pick me up. One of my housemate who didn't pick up my phone scolded me nicely and threatened not to talk to me for one week if I would do this again.If I was the one who brought the car, would I leave it there? I walked back with my sweat and the feeling of guilt. How would my mum reacts when she know this? I've been living too well, isn't it? See pictures my newest 'artistic lines' for the car, which I am not really proud of. I should not be in the arty industry. Let me know if you have any cheap way to cure these lines before my mum decides to buy a 1970 car for me. Thanks in advance. Oh ya people, do watch Flower In The Pocket, I like it very much and I think you should not miss it. Take care.

Safe and Sound Day

I think I need an iPhone. No, I WANT an iPhone.
Having this thought by the yellow dock at university lake-one of my favourite spot-, with my pink book 'Kitchen', half-read, laying before my red mobile phone. The distinguish colours of things and me might easily be spotted on Google earth. I missed my sport shoes. If not, I could have run and chased away the fatigue landed so long on the shoulders. It has been a long time since I last sat here. Watching the jogging students, passing-by vehicles, and the shadows of buildings on the surface of water could be interesting, at this moment. At that position, I overlooked TM tower and several malls around. The sky was rather beautiful, and birds flying by in flocks. It was still bright, and I've not experienced this brightness of evening since I started working-I usually stay up late in the office to avoid traffic jam,sky is always dark when I leave office, strangely, I couldn't adapt to the bright sky sometimes when I was off from work-, I took time to indulge myself in the book. I crossed my legs, and folded my legs like I was meditating. In spite in the noise, I was absorbed in the story. I stopped once a while to take a glance at the sky, or at the lake, and continued. When the sky was turning dark, like wearing a jacket slowly, the dark cloud swallowed slowly the white one. It was getting dark, at the same time the buildings were lit up. Little lights scattered like firefly which grew intense when the sky was in total black. The city was never darkened, yet it was lonely. We were so used to lights. Positive and negative emotions melted, and blended with the surroundings. That moment was of a wonderful one.

The urge to share was not put into action.
Sometimes you just think of somebody far away.
Is he doing well in the other side of the world? I wondered.

Had two nightmares in a row and I am safe.
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我們到底怎麽了？

我們到底怎麽了？
這句話在我以百計的速度奔馳在高速公路時蹦出來的，
充斥整輛車，慌神是會有的，打起五百份精神繼續駕車，
roommate昏昏地睡了過去。。。

哦，我們說著多麽不願意回吉隆坡，因爲又要工作了。
唉聲嘆氣的。
沒有工作為五斗米折腰的人兒們，
你們忍耐一下吧，我們只是想深深呼吸。

哈哈。我們談著工作、生活、夢想。
工作似乎把我們壓得扁扁的，我們想著逃離這裡，
卻越來越靠近。
我的夢想長了翅膀，還是腿？
應該像蛇一樣的絲絲蠕走了。
太安靜了。

當初，不是我們選擇了工作嗎？

今天回家回的得早，家人都驚嘆不已。
鞋子坏了，拿去修理，因爲不想浪費，
因爲很好穿，因爲環保，因爲想有修鞋的經驗。
一個小時的時間，靜靜的看著他修理鞋子。
當然我們偶爾聊幾句，有我在怎麽可能完全沒説話。
他很認真，很專心做鞋子，到嘴巴會不自覺地打開。

他說他是印尼人，在馬來西亞長大。
問比較喜歡印尼還是馬來西亞，
他有點含糊，伊伊爾爾。

有位朋友離鄉背井了，
沒有背到男朋友，加油哦！

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Me & Myself

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore
I like this name, especially 'Wulfric'.

I bought gardenia bread, it's my breakfast. I bought pringles, soft-shell crab flavoured, instead of popcorn. And Sze Chuan egg egg mee for Fei. Oh ya, iced lemon tea, in case I am thirsty.
I saw a middle-aged man, holding gun at the playstation, in his working suit. He looked boring and dull, like he'll work non-stop until he's dead, no, it's like he's not going to die. He then wandered, and pauses at some shops, and walked away. What is life?
I saw a little guy, 9 year-old, watching Harry Potter with me. I asked him where is your parent? - Jalan jalan. What a kid! I like him.

Written in the cinema while watching some ads. Gonna watch The Chronicles of Narnia and the social network.Not now. Soon.
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Good Morning!

I was at my office,

on this freaking
(beautiful?) Saturday!

A good start is already half way to success.
Salad dressing : olive oil,
vinegar + a pinch of salt.
Margarinated bread,
Yummy!

Posting with my breakfast
at the backyard of office,
alone, not too bad.

Well, not alone,
with my new boss.
He was sitting nicely
supervising me.

Ohlala...
TOO much vege
can be qualmish.

I decided to put them all in
my pity size bread,
and ate them up!

I was waiting for
my colleague, Fei
to come to office.

I don't usually work
on Saturday,
except for today.
For YuHang & KLEX.

I am writing like this in conjunction with KLEX.
I do apologize for the low resolution of pictures, because I love tinier things.
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A Real Quick Post

Oh ya, I am glad that I spent time reading the blogs I follow, at least.'Ive started working and I've told friends that I am going to blog about it, but I didn't.It is always the next day when I sleep, fun huh?Maybe the relaxing atmosphere in the office+flexible timing made me slower like a tortoise.Why do I want a quick post, because I want to console the little kid in me.
She has always a lot of thoughts, but less time, pity her*pat on her head*
It was also because, I've spent like half day handling company's blog,
still can't get a nice one, and I was thinking, what about my blog?
So, I am here now, still stinky and sticky.

Below are some fragments of thought that ran over my mind which I still could remember.

Found this picture in a friend's FB album, and I suddenly ran out to the balcony to look at the moon. I think I missed that. And I realized it's been a long time I didn't really look at the sky.
By the way, it's a love-shaped moon, did they make this up?

Oh, I've graduated? Yay, I've graduated! I've graduated. All these emotions actually appeared. So, feeling can be quite deceitful, because they change, so don't stay in it, enjoy the moment.Thanks to those who helped me through the semesters, especially some hard one in university.The real touching part was the marching of scholars to the hall. Silent. Palace music. It felt really special and you're one of the scholars. Worth waiting for few hours for the ceremony la, even though we went up to the stage less than 3 seconds.I start to miss my coursemates and lectures already :(

Apa Khabar Orang Kampung
(Picture courtesy of http://www.dahuangpictures.com/blogs/akok.php/2006/11/17/info/)

I've recently watched a lot of films, including this creative documentary titled
Apa Khabar Orang Kampung by Amir Muhammad. It talks about the Malaysians who were once fought for the independence for Malaysia but now lived in exile in southern Thailand.
I didn't study much about the history, but I believe that. I felt so sad and sorry that the interviewees spend their whole life for the country, but in the end, getting old in the neighboring country oversee the beloved homeland.

That's all for now :) Take care everyone!

Hey, it turned out to be a long post, bravo!
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